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 951 AND OUT ON THE ROADS

 The first time I failed

 the three point turn.

 Took eight attempts

 never was good at maths

 and was blinded by the sun.

 The second hundredth time I failed

 by knocking down a cat.

 Wasn't seriously injured

 able to limp away

 though definitely too slow and too fat.

 The six hundredth time I failed

 ran a red light.

 Still say that the car that I hit

 had deflective brakes

 no need to get in a fight.

 The eight hundredth time I failed

 reversed into a parked car.

 A steroid pumped Range Rover

 in the middle of the city

 environmentally speaking, I should get a gold star.

 The nine hundredth and fiftieth time

 I passed.

 (I know I'm making a joke about this story, but Cha So-Soon from South Korea, thumbs up for determination

  and resiselence. And in this ladies case, it was her written test she continually failed. Hasn't passed the

  practical yet.)

 A DAY AT WORK

 Marina's of on maternity leave

 number five

 hard to believe,

 what's she aiming for

 an entire football team?

 So, I'm going to get cover

 an entire one day a week

 bloody nightmare.

 Sure they can answer the phone

 still have to call clients back.

 Is it my fault I'm single

 0.0 kids

 I still feel fulfilled.

 Except every day I've got headaches

 and wake up with cold sweats.

 BIKE AHOY

 In bygone days

 teenage hopes

 my sporting hero

 was Stephen Roche.

 Just won Cycling's Triple Crown

 determined as a tank

 and quicker than a runaway coach.

 So I got all the equipment

 took to the roads,

 I was on a chosen mission

 who needs the highway code.

 Of course, I was involved in an accident

 no one was injured

 except two bruised cars

 and I was uninsured, exhausted, and suffering from a cold.

  mark.downey71@hotmail.co.uk